Sustaining Happy Marriage under Midlife Crisis

12:30 AM

One day on my daily devotion, I read a content from the commentary of Nicky and Pippa Gumbel (from HTB in London) entitled “Never too late”.  They discussed about midlife crisis. Please read on their statement.

“Recently, I heard that middle age runs from thirty-five to fifty-eight years of age.  People often speak of being middle-aged a time of “midlife crisis’.  A midlife crisis can be caused by ageing itself, or aging in combination with changes, problems, or regrets over work, career, relationships, children and physical changes associated with ageing.
Individuals experiencing a midlife crisis are often searching for an undefined dream or goal.  We may have a deep sense of remorse for goals not yet accomplished.  We may fear humiliation among more successful colleges.  We often desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness”.

I got interested to read about this issue because it connects to myself. According to some write up about midlife crisis, some of the signs that a person is facing midlife crisis are identity crisis or crisis of self-confidence, comparing self to people they know such as friends, relatives and co-workers, being exhausted, making a drastic change like an eagerness to lose weight, buying a luxury cars, or trying to reconnect with high school exes.

The root of all these things is a sense of something being missing.  There is often a tragic wisdom in mid-life crises, as individuals realize the emptiness of much of what they used to strive for (even if what they replace it with is not always particularly wise).

The crisis can take in many forms ranging from mild to dangerous, and may impact health, well-being, and finances. It can lead into broken relationships, buried into debt and even severe depression if it is not address.

Whether I admit it or not, my husband and I are experiencing some of those midlife crisis symptoms.  For married couples, I think we should not take everything for granted because it can lead into worst effect if both spouses are not aware of the situation.

On my simple thoughts, here are some of strategies how are we dealing with midlife crisis and still enjoy our married life.

1.  Enjoy the crisis.
                 Acknowledging the situation can prevent worst effect in a relationship. On our case, we talked about each other’s situation.  Respect each other’s attitude.  And plan on how to deal with it. My husband has several things he wants to accomplish.  He has sleepless nights (haha!) for all the extraordinary things he wants.  From several business ventures he wants to engage to luxury things he wants to enjoy.  I just listen, dream and support him.  We plan our finances to support whatever my husband’s wants.  We make sure that it will not greatly affect our family finances. 
                On the other hand, he also support me during my transition from being an employee to business owner as well as several hobbies I involved in.   Though, he don’t really approved the type of business I am into.  Still, he spoils me by supporting financially and emotionally.
                We share hobbies together. We were able to conquer our fears by just relying on our commitment to each other.  It’s fun and it really helps us to grow.

I joined my husband to his new hobby even if it is scary. I am enjoying it a lot!
2. Level up intimacy.

On this stage of married life, one of the critical issue is about intimacy.  Spouses focus more on each other’s goal and personal issues that can lead into intimacy decline.  And that is a very dangerous part of marriage. It is an identified reason for extramarital relationship that everyone wants to avoid.  There are several ways to level up intimacy like communication, don’t be afraid to try new intimacy adventures, and make more time together.  Go on a date weekly. Praise more.  Acknowledge each other more.  Know the love language of each other. Dependency on each other should increase.

3. Attend a couples retreat and join a couples group

A couple’s retreat is a way to renew your honeymoon stage.  This is a beautiful activity to refresh the relationship.  This can really level up the marriage life. Based on our experience, being in a peer of inspiring couples is one way to sustain a happy marriage.  Our communication develops a lot which lead into intense intimacy.  Volunteering together makes our relationship deeper and the true purpose of marriage manifest in us. By which, being inspired from our peers encourages us to be an inspiration to other couples also.

Don't miss this chance, join now!!

4. Create new goals together.

Taking steps towards positive changes can bring new energy into a marriage and into a career.  We took this opportunity to explore anything we want.  It is really hard to deal with everyone's mood swings and fighting became frequent.  But with our dreams together we tend to realized that it makes our married life more exciting.  We dream higher and make it happen.  

Midlife crises are not inherently a bad things. We use new thoughts and ideas in a positive way.  With careful consideration and preparation, attitudes can improve with change, lessening the effects of the crisis.

Cheers for a Happy Marriage!!

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